A Single, Yellow Rose

I want to tell you a little story. My grandmother was not a Believer at all during her lifetime. She used phrases like, "The Lord be with you," etc but she never claimed Jesus as Lord and Savior of her life.

I remember there was a time in which my grandmother lived with us. I remember rather clearly a time where her knee pain was very severe, mind you she was likely in her late 70s at this time, to the point where she was yelling out in pain. I told her that I would pray for her. I laid hands on her knee and the pain went after several times of commanding it to go. It tried to come back and again we spoke to the pain and commanded it to go. She was very surprised that God would do this. So, knowing that the Lord was working I asked her if she wanted to learn more about Jesus. I remember opening my Word and telling her about the saving power of Christ and how He healed her because He loved her and had a plan for her life. When finished, I asked her if she would like to accept that same Jesus who healed her into her life, she said, "Not at this time." I was very upset because my heart was towards her and wanted her to welcome the Lord into her life. I thought... you can't get anymore real with the Living Savior as to encounter Him personally by Him touching you, so how will she ever come to the saving knowledge of Christ for HER.

So for years before this event and even know my heart's prayer for my family was Act 16:31 which reads, "They replied, 'Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved, along with everyone in your household.'" So that has been the Scripture that I have clung to and confessed over and over again!! This has been my war declaration for my family. For them to be saved.

Fast forward to my grandmother being in her 80s in a nursing home because her condition of Alzheimers and just general elder care required much more medical attention than we could provide her. Some days were better than others. Some were really bad. I specifically remembered that I was going to go visit her and surprise her with a bouquet of flowers. I was bound and determined to love on my grandma! I took the selfies to show my excitement. When I arrived, I was unprepared. She was not in a good mood. She clearly told me she didn't want the flowers. Alzheimer's wasn't kind to her that day. I left, bouquet in hand, tears flooding my eyes. I was so hurt. This was not the grandmother I knew. I could put stickers on a cardboard box and this woman would have, in her right mind, been ecstatically overjoyed that I took the time to make her something. She was one who always enjoyed and appreciated the details. She was a giver at heart. If you mentioned a need, you better believe she was immediately taking out her checkbook to open it and write you a check. I can't even count the times that I couldn't refuse because she just would not let me. Seriously!

Months go by and for weeks she was declining in health. Her appetite barely evident. I remember that years' Thanksgiving was tear filled and sad as we attempted to bring Thanksgiving to her. We had the traditional Thanksgiving food. She was gone. We tried to give her food and it was not a success. She barely ate and she most certainly was not there in body. It was heart breaking. We didn't even clue in to the fact that she was already slipping away from our loving arms.

Conditions worsened so my aunt flew in from NY to be with us. Come November 19th, we were bedside alternating between playing music that she loved, speaking last words, etc. We had a chaplain come in because I knew that hearing was the last thing to go. I explained to him the situation, telling him that I don't think she had accepted the Lord and it's so important for her to know how to enter into Heaven. Prayers were lifted, tears were shed. In the late evening hours, her breathing became infrequent and several times we were asking each other if this was "it." This time is an odd moment for us frail humans. We are in this world and certainly subject to it. We do not have all the answers and timing is normally of ways of the spiritual world do not alway become clear to us. So waited we did. My heart broke. Time bedside when someone close is passing is a very funny thing. In doing so, humor becomes a way of dealing with the overwhelming sense of grief. It was very late and had entered into the next day, so admittedly, my grandma's neighbor had a bunch of wigs on styrofoam heads so I am not going to lie to you here... we "borrowed" them for our light amusement, taking pictures and videos and pulling all kinds of shenanigans. I'll never know if a person decides to let go at a certain moment of this world for the next or if it was just God's timing, but this was the moment, in the moment of laughter that my grandmother left this world. I like to think that in the laughter she found freedom and made her decision to be at peace with what was happening to her frail and failing body. And so she passed.

We each had our time to share with her in private. When it was my turn, it was was an odd feeling to be in the room when you knew someone's spirit wasn't in the body. You see, my grandmother didn't look like herself anymore as she was passing but knowing that she wasn't there was a very crazy thing. But in that moment my heart and spirit were pulled. I prayed to God with what seemed like EVERY ATOM in my body. It was not just a prayer request, it was a DEMAND. You promised me, Lord, that me and my household WOULD BE SAVED. I need to know she is with you. I need to know that she accepted you as Lord and Savior. (And what we always say as Christians not to do, I did.) I asked God for a sign. I said, God if she accepted you as Lord, someone will give me a red, rose.... then I said in my heart, no yellow because that is friendship. I said, a SINGLE, YELLOW ROSE. I needed to know and there was NO other way that I could know in my heart and have peace unless He showed up and showed me. That would be three signs in one: 1. Must be yellow. 2. Must be a rose. 3. Someone must give it to me.

At her funeral, I had arrived early. My beautiful friend, Madison, came 3 hours to cater it. I walked through the doors and went straight back and went to make a sharp right to where Madison had setup for us. Out of the corner of my eye, my eye caught something to the left. Behind the glass administration windows, in the office, was a single, yellow rose (all by itself) in a vase in the desk. I couldn't believe my eyes. I burst into tears. I knew that No one knew the sign I asked for. No one knew that I had compelled the Lord to show me! I knocked on the window and there was an employee there. He opened and I asked him if he could put in near me so I could take a picture of it. I told God that it was alright if I only got 2 of the 3 signs. Granted, I was specific but I know God enough to know that this is Him when I see it. I asked him where it came from and he said he really didn't know. So just when I had accepted that this was God's sign, I asked the employee to take a picture of it. It was then that God just showed off. The employee responded, "You can have it, if you want." At that point, if my tears weren't already building myself a puddle, I just lost it. 3-for-3! No question. My grandma was with the Lord.

I'm not sure exactly why I'm sharing this with you other than the fact that I came across this picture on my computer and felt compelled to tell you this story. Interestingly enough we are coming up on her 4 years in Heaven. God is so good though. The fact that He could show me this sign is beautiful. The fact that He could perform a break-through moment of showing Himself to her amidst severe Alzheimers at her passing, is totally miraculous.

I am ever amazed at the limitless access we have to the Father. He is gracious beyond measure and faultless in every way. When I think my life is hard or that the challenges I'm facing are too difficult, this is a perfect reminder that God is not subject to my circumstance. My circumstances are SUBJECT to my God. So today, I choose to believe that God orders my steps. In 30 days, I don't know where I am living. There are so many moving parts to this equation. Questions flood my mind more than answers, these days.

But here's what I continue to confess through this post:

"And my God will liberally supply (fill until full) your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Philipians 4:19

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way." Psalm 37:23

"He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken." Psalm 62:6

"...for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again..." Proverbs 24:16

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain," Hebrews 6:19

"For He will give His angels charge concerning you, To guard you in all your ways." Psalm 91:11-12

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord" Colossians 3:23